middle of the night

September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007

Saturday, February 24, 2007
10:31 AM

Today's topic is about blogs.

Today, like every saturday I'm imprisoned within the 4 walls of the src office. So decided to go blog surfing. Noticed that alot of good friends' blogs have been moved and encrypted.. Suddenly it seems like everybody is blogging alot of things they can't tell the rest of the world. The 3 letter word is a really scary thing...

there're also people who abuses the ability to remain annonymous when posting comments to post harsh messages. Nothing wrong with speaking your mind, but if you don't have the guts to take responsibility for what you say, then don't say it. Firstly it shows what a coward you are. 2ndly it shows that you yourself knows what you are saying is wrong. So don't just think that nobody knows who you are so you can speak without thinking.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007
11:59 PM

Recently realised the frequencty of my posts is directly proportionate to the frequency I work out. Got workout this few days so.. here goes.

My most hated festival of the year is arriving. Can't wait for it to be over. How many years has it been since I start resenting it? It's never going to be the same, not without her around. I'm just clinging to the past like a stubborn child refusing to let go. Please let it pass by painlessly..

Recently I have this habit of fantasizing how it would be like if i can turn back time. How I can undo the decisions I've regret making, prevent the disasters of the people i cared for, put everything right again, the way I want it. Bring her back. I wonder... if i wish hard enough, if i yearn it strongly enough... will it come true?

Thursday, January 04, 2007
7:17 AM

it's 5.30am in the morning and I'm not sleeping. Might as well blog.

two things happened today that got me thinking.

You can hate someone and drive her out of your life. But when disaster strikes, and she calls out to u, the human in you simply forgives whatever she has done and do what you think is right. I've always thought myself as someone who is unforgiving. Some might even say I'm petty. Well, I guess I surprised even myself this time.

2nd thing. Saw a mirror image of myself tonight, the person I was 6 months ago. How pathetic a man can be when he laid down all his pride just for a woman, wallowing in self pity and denial. When you see it from a 3rd person's perspective, you are like "WTF, what a spineless fucking piece of shit I must have been back then." A dear friend once said to me, women can leave you, friends can disappoint you, but there's one thing that can never change and stays with you no matter what. Your career.

A man who does not keeps his pride is not a man at all

Monday, January 01, 2007
8:14 PM

ok a brand new year. Got to make new year's resolutions that i will try but in the end will still not accomplish. Here goes:

1. Got to get back in shape. Really missed that me 4 yrs ago who can bag that ippt gold

2. More business will come in and we can celebrate the 1st year anniversary of patchwork media with a bang.

3. find money for another backpacking trip. India or Japan, here I come!

4. work on at least one more video project before i graduate.

I remembered the same time last year I had to make a painful and life changing decision. Never thought I have to go thru something similar now. God or fate, whatever u are, your timing can never be better. I'm really getting too old and impatient for this kind of things. Just hope that if it doesn't work out, I won't be diving in too deep to be hurt again.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006
11:29 PM

something that happened a few days back and I wanted to blog about it but totally forgot.

Has it ever happened to you? someone walks past you and you smelled a scent that is really, really familiar. It's something so familiar that you are so sure that it meant something to you. That scent must have been part of an important event or belonged to an important person in your past. A whiff of that fragrance brings back warm and complex emotions, very familiar feelings. Like a ticket bringing you back to a certain point in your past. But somehow you just cannot remember, you just can't pinpoint where and when in your history that scent has brought you back to, or the persons or events this smell is associated with. And it just becomes really, really frustrating. Like you have lost something, a memory, that meant alot to you once, and you don't even know what it is.

I know I sound like I'm rambling nonsense here. It's just so hard to express that experience in words.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006
9:48 PM

1 hr before going back to shoot. tired and dirty and smelly. but what the hell, blog first then bathe ba.

two things happened recently makes me think of what i want to do with my life.

been editing this video of this farewell thingy for a vice president of a school. It was really touching and it just filled me with emotions whenever i edit it.
For the first time, I actually feel connected to my subject's life when I edit. It's like I'm taking a glimpse into a moment of his life through that small window of time, and I'm immortalising that moment for him so he can keep it in memory for the rest of his life.
Dunno how to describe that feeling. Just feel that for the first time i'm doing something very meaningful with my production skills.
I may not make a feature film ever in my life. I may not make a ground breaking documentary or a hit drama series. But if I can spend the rest of my life preserving such beautiful memories for people, I'm satisfied. My life has a meaning.

watched Happy Feet with C.J and Jerry sometime back. The show was great. The comedy is hilarious and the music is wonderful. But what really leaves an impression in me is the conservationist theme towards the end of the movie.

For me, I've always felt that we humans done so much harm to the other fellow animals in our planet. some animals spend their very short lives meaningless in a cramp cage just to be killed and eaten. They live to die. Some animals have thier homes destroyed. Stray cats and dogs are being put down or castrated simply because they "dirty our environment".
We live our lives absorbed in the advancement of our careers and the satisfaction of our material needs. We don't treat other animals as living beings. We simply treat them as comodities.

Happy Feet reminds people that we are not the only living things in this planet. The world does not revolve around us. We share our living space with other living beings and we shouldn't just ignore our neighbours just because we have the power to do so. I'm sure every person in that theatre that day and in all theatres worldwide, at that very moment, feels ashamed to be human. I know I do. It may or may not make a difference 10 years down the road. But to create such a film that has successfully make us stand on the penguin side for that short period of time, I only know how to express it in chinese: 功德无量，不枉此生。。。
Talked so much, now back to fyp shoot. I will survive.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
12:53 AM

Did a favour to my very good friend Mr Koh Eng Beng on sat. I made cookies with him so that he can make his gf happy. Two grown men baking cookies at my place.. definitely not a common sight. We used those ready-made cookie mix of course. And while the cookies are in the oven we look at pics of chiobus from the china universities. One misconception of china girls cleared, the china girls in Singapore really does not represent the female community in China. Why do I even want to look for a singaporean gf when it's a much bigger world out there? And in a country where the men all cannot make it, singaporean men are hot stuff!

Dispite our constant distraction, the cookies turns out quite good. better than my last try some time back. Wanted to take more pictures but I just hate taking pics with my camera phone. Someone pls get me a DSLR. I'll be grateful for life.

I've known this long ago. It has become something like a fact. I don't know how to handle people. What's worse, I don't know how to handle conflicts.

Since when I was really small, conflicts always ended with harsh words, shouting and eventually punches, in the case of the little me back then, it's always the prints of my father's hand on my face.

I've grown up to understand that confrontations are to be avoided, bearing in mind the consequences of getting into a fight. I let myself loose a little in the army, a world where u have to show u are not a pushover. But nevertheless, in a society like this, it's really not a good thing to get into any confrontation when you know you can't control your temper.

Just somehow I didn't manage to remember all this when I decided to confront my father on some things which are actually quite minor. Things escalated, harsh words exchanged,, shouting and screaming followed.

Sitting down and talking it out. Simple words, but it's an art I can never master.